Showing posts with label Sailing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sailing. Show all posts

Monday, May 23, 2011

Stephen Colbert Pulls to the Front of the Pack in Sailing Regatta – Go Captain Colbert!

Friday Update: As of the 7:00 a.m. update today, Tucana held a 40-mile margin over their rivals on board the other OnDeck Farr 65, Stephen Colbert and his crew on the Spirit of Juno. Tucana seems to be a solid bet to win first-to-finish honors as well as first place in the Racing Division.

Wednesday Update:
With steady southwest winds across this region of the North Atlantic, the competitors in this eighth edition of the Charleston Bermuda Race have been making remarkable progress throughout the afternoon hours yesterday.

As of the 8:00 p.m. position update yesterday evening, the lead boat, Tucana, was 288 miles from Bermuda. Tucana’s closest rivals were Spirit of Juno (with Stephen Colbert on board) and Yanosha. According to the Race Director it’s likely that the first finishers will arrive in Bermuda on Thursday.


Tuesday Update:

As the 11-boat fleet continues to make impressive progress toward Bermuda, two entries have pulled ahead during the wee hours of Sunday night and Monday morning.

Tucana, one of five boats in the race, has led the way since the fleet left Charleston Harbor. As of midnight last night, the boat was sailing in a northeasterly direction at over 10 knots.

But by daybreak, Captain Stephen Colbert and “The Spirit of Juno” crew had come within five miles of the lead vessel.

Go Stephen!

Despite his second-place standing, Colbert, who has vowed to win this race, seemed characteristically jolly based on an e-mail he sent late Sunday night.

Colbert said in his email,

“Dear land-based life forms. Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions.

Spent the afternoon dodging wind holes and watching dolphins play in our bow wake. We’ve also been introducing our English crew to the joys of grits. They are dubious, but too polite to admit they tossed it overboard.

We are on four hour watches and lucky to get three hours’ sleep at a time. Those of you familiar with totalitarian regimes will remember that sleep deprivation is one way that dictators break their enemies.

We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller.

We all smell wonderful.  See you in Bermuda!”

Colbert and his crew have vowed to win the race this year, after a dismal attempt in 2005 where his boat came in last place.

Related: Stephen Colbert admits he pooped in the ocean.

Keep your dial tuned to InfoStar for the latest news and progress of our mighty captain and the U.S.S. Spirit of Juno.

God speed Captain Colbert.

Oh yea, there is a shit-pile of news waiting for you to make funny once you get back to New York.

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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Stephen Colbert to Sail Into the Bermuda Triangle Today

Stephen Colbert is at it again.

He won’t take defeat lying down.

What is he up to now?

He’s sailing into the Bermuda Triangle.

Colbert, who says he’s an avid sailor, but not really, is once again racing in a sailing regatta from Charleston South Carolina to Bermuda today.

He has even been named honorary Captain of the 65 foot sailing ship, and plans to guide her the entire 1,000 miles into the Bermuda Triangle.

But this is not the first time Colbert has made this journey.

In 2005 he tried and failed, his team came in last place – four days behind the lead boat. He says everything broke down including the diesel engines, radios, sails, and even the two bathrooms.

That leads to an obvious question…..

Related: Stephen Colbert admits he pooped in the ocean

But this time he is taking it more seriously, and has teamed with Audi and a twelve man crew to pull off this truly patriotic event.

The crew will sail the U.S.S. “Audi”, complete with a gigantic picture of Colbert on the sail, in hopes of winning this year’s event.

Stephen, who grew up in a sailing town in Charleston South Carolina, says he couldn’t sail as a child because he is missing an eardrum in one ear and it lets water in – and that’s bad he says.

Colbert will leave Charleston Harbor on May 21 and hopefully reach Bermuda in about 4 days - unless the end of the world comes first.

"There is a cult out there that believes the world is coming to an end on May 21, so that's one of the reasons I wanted to be out in the ocean. I'll have nothing above me and I'll fly straight up."

Good luck Mr. Colbert, and if we miss the rapture we’ll see you next week!

God Speed.

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